Working with anger to avoid separation
Anger can be a very damaging emotion if it is not expressed in some way; or the situation/person which caused the anger is accepted as they are and we move on.
I remember being angry at a person who kept their dog chained up in a small enclosure. The dog would bark at me and my young daughter each time we walked past. I was angry that the person did not care for the dog and that we had to be exposed to the barking. The barking itself was angry. I had to accept the barking as it was the only way home.
I did though, talk to the dog with love and understanding so it knew SOMEONE cared. I put this anger to positive use and identified the things in my life which this anger triggered in me and, with time, made my peace with all that bubbled up within me.
It wasn’t really until I was able to truly release this anger from MYSELF that I was able to experience the freedom of living without it. The anger which was generated by the dog made me feel really upset with myself. It’s a horrible feeling and a self-destructive one if the feelings are left to fester and grow.
I realised how much anger I felt towards my mother, her lack of praise for me, her lack of affection and a feeling that she was somehow critical of my every move and not knowing, despite the puddings she made us, whether she really loved me and whether I got things right in her eyes.
The most freeing experience is to be able to deal with whatever angers us and to let it go. It simply does not help to be aware of a feeling and then push it further down inside of us (hoping it will just go away) and guess what….. It grows, the exact opposite of what you want. We may not know exactly where it came from but that does not really matter ~ it's about dealing with the feeling now in a positive way.
To start on the journey of releasing anger towards that special person in your life try these tips today.
CHANGE YOUR NEGATIVE DEFAULT ~ in most cases we find that the anger at the current moment in time is triggering a distant memory from the past where you were really upset, which is why little things can really anger you. The important thing is not to do anything with the anger at the moment but first;
1. LOOK at the anger and identify the feeling ~ give it a name so you know what you are dealing with ~ it may be a gremlin, a scorpion, a crocodile, an angry teenager
2. FACE UP TO IT – look at the feeling ~ this diminishes the negative power in the feeling.
3. SAY cancel, cancel, cancel in your head to stop the negative process continuing.
4. Have a positive place in your head that you can ‘draw on’ and replace the angry feeling with ~ being on the beach in the sun, walking high on a mountain, swimming in a warm pool away from everyone safe within a forest, maybe even on purple planet where everything is different
5. Distract yourself and do something different, go for a walk, put the TV or music on, go out or read a book.
6. LET IT OUT ~ scream, shout, let it all out! Exercise, go for a walk, run, to the gym, release that emotion ~ don’t bottle it up.
7. Write a letter to that person, write every single thing you want to say to them, then go outside and burn it, watch the cinders go up in the sky along with your negative feelings.
8. BE WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE ~ it really does help to surround yourself with positive people. There is a saying that we become like the 5 people we hang out with the most. Do they put you down; do you feel good in their company?
9. I give myself permission to express my feelings and not bottle them up, I’m not afraid to be me anymore
10. I have learnt to love who I am even if others disagree.
11. I CARE FOR ME
Focus on each stage until you can do it naturally
With time you will be an inspiration to others and understand how you may be an inspiration to that important person in your life and leave so much more space in your relationship for POSITIVE emotions... and love again
Can you possibly end each sentence you say to your special person in a positive way?
It’s all about helping you and it’s not about letting them off the hook.
Hello I'm Fran Doidge from "Coaching For Wellbeing"
My unique strength is the combination of Wellbeing Coaching with Relaxing Self-Massage using a luxurious Aromatherapy blend of essential oils,
When feelings are running high the sense of touch along with Coaching helps you keep things in perspective and bring you back to a more calm and balanced place. I have 27 years experience of helping clients gain a fresh perspective on life and a more positive picture of themselves in their relationships.
I'll help YOU find ways to be true to yourself and others.
Coaching, Mindfulness, Massage ..... and even luxurious Aromatherapy blends especially for you.
- Decide which combination works for you;
- Coaching on it’s own - with Mindfulness where relevant
- Coaching and Massage (Why not talk on Zoom/Skype and I'll send you Self Massage instructions to enjoy Massage at home)
- Coaching and Aromatherapy (Your luxurious blend of essential oils selected according to your individual needs sent to your home to use in a diffuser or add to carrier oil for self-massage.Your special bit of luxury)
or a combination of everything.
- New coping strategies help you create a better relationship with your thoughts, your emotions, and your body... and a better relationship with that special person in your life.
- Create a new sense of direction and a positive mind-set; then find a new sense of respect and love for yourself and feel able to honour you and your special person better.
- Using Zoom/Skype and email we can work together, even if we are far apart.
......or call me on 07974 400575 to arrange your FREE 30 minute chat..... What would you like to talk about?
Let's work on Zoom/Skype - OR I'm based in the UK in Malvern, Cradley and Ross-on-Wye, Herefordshire - let's meet up if you live nearby.
In the meantime please visit http://bit.ly/2jhuxNe to go to my website where you can download my 10 Steps to a happier relationship.
If you'd like to see how I've helped others then see my home page at www.coachingforwellbeing.co.uk where you'll see a lovely box of testimonials on the lower left of the page.
It would be great to connect with you on Facebook, so please come and join my group: Fran Doidge’s Emotional High Five https://www.facebook.com/groups/FranDoidgesEmotionalHighFive/
I look forward to being in touch with you, bye for now.